Shoulder Shenanigans

Has it really been a year? I can't really say how long ago it seems. I dislocated my right shoulder in a weird, clumsy fall, broke my humerus and tore all of the muscles off of the rotator cuff. Guess that is reason enough for it to take a year to get the feeling back to my arm and shoulder. Can you believe that it has taken that long to actually have strange sensations in that joint? My arm has been a little numb close to the joint since I stopped physical therapy. Slowly that feeling is starting to return and more and more I realize what I can and can not do and where I can not reach. Not fun!! I have very little sustaining strength in trying to do tasks above my shoulders. It just gives away and is "so tired" I can't support the upward motion. What to do??
Get to work on strength building exercises and weight lifting! Don't complain, get started! Only I can do it. It is all up to me! That is my task. My other is to be grateful for the things I can do and what I have accomplished in regaining the use and for the healing of my shoulder and arm. I am deeply grateful and very thankful to have a healthy body!

My Mood

What is this mood I'm in? I can think of lots of unflattering words to describe it. I think I have writer's block. I have written at least a half dozen entries and trashed each one. Didn't like the finished product. I have not been happy with the "look" nor content of this blog so I may dump the whole thing shortly. That is my mood. The last time I felt this way I dumped the entire blog and started over -- content and all. Is this what you call burnout?? I can sympathize with my former students (to whom)I taught writing throughout my career-- those who had difficulty coming up with a writing product that made them happy. Sometimes the ideas just do not flow and the power of expression goes on vacation. That seems to sum it up.

Dreams

Have you ever had dreams that were more like nightmares than dreams? And have you had recurring dreams that disturb you to the extent that they "haunt" you. You wonder why you keep having these same dreams?
I have been in this dreaming pattern for some while now. So much so that I talked to my favorite doctor about them. Though the workings of the inner mind would be within his realm of specialty he told me he did not put "much stock" (which I took to be value) into dreams or interpreting them. But I continue to have these dreams. Most often they involve my deceased husband and more recently I have had one that involves a former employer. I often dream of teaching school and some random crazy situation(s) with teaching school but I am able to cast those aside and consider that they have been triggered by thirty plus years ot teaching youngsters and the unbelievable situations that often come about in that setting. Thirty years of that equal a book that might resemble comedy and tragedy!!

Some people believe dreams have definite meaning. I question that but know that they can be especially bothersome.

Music

Music is power or better said music has power. Various musical instruments exude power. Music can set the mood for most any event or mood. I was one of those small children who had an insatiable curiosity of musical instruments in all of their complexity. As a result my Mother took an interest in being certain that I was exposed to music and how it was created. I started to study practically as soon as I knew my ABC's. I studied with a teacher who was a graduate of the Cincinnati Conservatory of Music and definitely would be considered "old school or high brow" today. The great composers were the core of the lessons I was taught. Music theory lessons were a regular happening in my two one-hour lessons each week. Mrs. Cooney was a very serious teacher and taskmaster.
Why do I write about this? I suppose I am trying to research the recesses of my mind for the true reason that I really detest some kinds of music and music in certain settings. Certain types of music "drive me crazy" when I am trying to focus. Lest you start to think I only like Mozart and Beethoven let me reassure you that such is not the case. I do not like country and western music much but I do have much appreciation for fiddling! A good instrumental "hoedown" can't be beat at the right time.
When I started junior high school I became involved in both orchestra and band. Today I value and benefit from the background knowledge I gained through these experiences. Later in my life I turned from piano to organ as in church organs. As I learned to blend the stops on an organ to get the desired sounds I needed for various styles of church music I drew from the bank of knowledge stored as I learned full the instrumentation ( parts) of both orchestra and band. Today when I blend stops ( for music I play for different events) I use both my ear and that info bank.
You might observe music in the different settings you visit. Music is available as never before due to the technology from which it can be produced. It produces great sound effects for movies
and commentaries. It can be totally melodic and pleasing to the ear or it can eerie and help create a frightening mood. It is such an available resource that it is often used inappropriately. In my opinion one of those ways is when it blares at me when I read an individual's blog. I hate it and hasten to turn the sound down so I do not have to tolerate it. Sorry Folks, but that is the way it is!

Fickle June

June has arrived in all of its splendor. The month with the longest day of the year. I have a love-hate affair going on with this month. I love the month but dread when days start getting shorter. Did you realize that by the end of the month the days actually start to shorten little by little?? Since you can't fool Mother Nature there is simply nothing I can do about this "rule of the universe" but that doesn't make me happy about it all! I have a super-duper case of Light Affective Disorder and should live on top of the equator! I have decided that the best thing for me to do is to put my shoulder to the wheel (that means get busy in case I speak funny) and just ignore what I can't control! So many things I can't control lately--the sale of my coastal home, the sickness of my schnauzer, Sassy, etc., etc.!!! Sounds like I am going to be ignoring "stuff" for a long time, huh? Not sure I am up to that either. I am thinking I should do like all of the rest of America and write a book about my adventures. Maybe I could make a little money if I can't win the lottery. Do you think anyone would read my book? Could you help me with a title? Maybe it could be something like, "Dishing on the Inner Workings of Elementary Schools." Wow, would that be a winner?

Honoring MY QUEEN

The limp continued and progressed to a dangling right foreleg. Back to vet we went to say, "The adequan prescribed did not help the limp, it has gotten worse." Off to NC State Vet School campus to the MRI scanning we were sent on Ken's death date anniversary (of all the dates possible.) Then came the painful, dreadful call. Our Queen, Sassy, has cancer -- a brachial plexus tumor which has invaded the spinal cord and other nerves. Proposed treatment: amputate the front foreleg, use chemo and radiation. Proposed result: Buy a little time with the same final result -- there is no cure.
I felt like I had been hit with a startling blow not just in the heart but the whole body. I listened, I thought, and then I asked my vet what would you do? Surprisingly her answer paralled exactly what I was thinking. She gave me the weekend to think about it and promised to leave me some prescriptions to pick up.
After I hung up I held my Queen for what had to be several hours and cried as I stroked her furry body. She has been my lifeline since Ken went away. My family bought her for me for Christmas 1998. She gave me a reason to get up and go and enjoy the day when I was overcome with grief and just didn't feel like it.
How can I ever let her go?

Do dogs have souls? There are lots of opinions out there. Will she be mine and with me in the life here after? I love her like a member of my family even if she is canine. She is very attached to me and totally loyal. And I might add as well, she is dependent on me. So I have dried my tears for now and decided that my Queen will be treated like royality for the days we have left together.

Yum-Yum Daze

For some strange reason Yum-Yums invaded my memory recently. Yum-Yums take me back too many years to admit but come from the pleasant and tasty part of my memory bank. We loved the days at home as a kid when my Mom baked. She was a truly good cook and as you could tell by looking at us we enjoyed the goodies. One of the treats I remember her baking were what we called Yum-Yums. I have no idea how they got that name but we loved them. Now remember those were the days when folks baked a lot of what they had and did not rush off to the store and buy everything. All that is available in the area of baked goods today was no where to be found in that time. Many were the days that we came home from school on a cold bitter day and the aroma of baked goods or cooking food met us at the door. Yum-Yums were nothing more than a little spicy cup cake but they were SO GOOD to us AND they stored well - if there were some left to store!
I am including the recipe just in case you are wondering at this point.

LOLA'S YUM - YUMS
4 cups flour
1 cup shortening
2 cups brown sugar
4 eggs
2 cups buttermilk
1 teaspoon each -- Soda, Salt, Allspice, Nutmeg, Cloves, Cinnamon
3 teaspoons Baking Powder
1 1/2 cup chopped Raisins
i cup chopped nuts
Blend sugar, shortening and add eggs. Alternately sift in dry ingredients with milk.
Add raisins and nuts. Bake at 350 degrees in paper cups set in muffin pans to keep shape.
I did not record a time to bake but I assume you can tell when they lightly brown and are done. I will do some research on the time and record later.
All that is left is to enjoy with a giant glass of milk!