Today begins the first day of my life in eleven years, eleven months and fourteen days without my precious Sassy schnauzer. When I think of her the tears roll. I am still in shock. She was laying on my lap yesterday as her vet administered the drug that stopped her magnanimous heart. I was hit with the thought, "whatever have I done?" I have allowed my best friend in the canine world to be put to sleep never to wake again in this life. I uttered these very words, "whatever have I done?" and started bawling. The doctor and my friend assured me that I had relieved her of her pain and set her spirit free of the cancer-riddled body. Why does it hurt so badly if I have done what was best for my beloved dog? And why do I keep having to make these painful decisions for those I love so dearly? The vet left the room and told me she would check back in a while and for me to hold her for as long as I wanted. And I did, I gave her up as her little body started to cool. She actually never moved when injected with the heart stopping drug. I could not help but wonder if she had gone before the drug was administered. By the time the vet could get the stethoscope to her heart it had stopped.
I have tried to prepare myself for this day. On Labor Day weekend I traveled to Lebanon, Tennessee, and got another schnauzer puppy as a companion for my Piper schnauzer. I have felt for some time that doggies need a companion friend especially when I was working and not home during a lot of the day. A puppy can be extremely distracting and I hoped this would help as I faced the inevitable. At the moment my puppy, Kami, has been sitting next to me and kissing my face as I cry. This is tough, folks, really tough.
When I look at her pictures I think that I can't believe that she is really gone. It is like she should be here somewhere with me. Oh, precious Sassy, I miss you so.
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