Today marks the second day since my beloved Sassy went to schnauzer heaven. Unfortunately the hurt is not better today. Tears are very close to the surface and the hurt is very raw. My chest / heart even hurt like I remember in the loss of family members. In fact, I have started that doubting process that I customarily do when I have had to make these "hard decisions." I doubt myself and why I let myself make the decision to let her go at the time I did. My mind says to me, "why didn't you wait a little longer for a miracle?" I make it so difficult for myself to cope. My doctor says it is a personality flaw.
I remember the little things she did over the last few days that showed she still had a desire to live as she did typical schnauzer things like bark when the other girls barked and try to smell everything along the ground when I carried her out to the yard.
My Sassy never got a body odor like some doggies do when they get too warm or have not been bathed for several days. She always smelled good when I buried my face in her fur.
I love my Piper schnauzer and my new puppy, Kami. I wonder if I can EVER love them like I loved my Sassy. Can I? Will I?
1 comment:
You love Sassy and you did what you had to to relieve her of her pain. Heavenly Father feels the same way about you and I know he'll help to take your pain away when you're ready...I can't imagine such a loss without the pain though, it would make it feel cheap. Hurting so much just shows how much you love her and shows the true sacrifice you were willing to make for that love. You did what was best and Heavenly Father will do what's best for you. I pray your suffering turns to peace sooner than later. You'll see her again one day.
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