Musings on the Daily News

The news this evening is depressing. All about the national debt and the proposed cuts to what they call entitlements. To young people that might not seem shocking or cause for concern. But for older Americans there is cause for alarm. As one becomes "of age" (for some while) you have had no choice but to participate in Medicare unless you are independently wealthy. If you have health insurance it becomes your secondary policy.

Among other suggestions being made to improve the US budget deficit was cutting Social Security and other programs such as Medicaid and Medicare. Most of us know individuals whose only income is the little bit they receive from Social Security. Not only is that "little bit" taxed since the administration of President Clinton but individuals are required to pay for Medicare out of that little bit. Rather than cut benefits of deserving individuals why not look for those who are receiving benefits and who never contributed to SS as well as those who are immigrants to this country and receiving many, many entitlements from Social Security benefits, health care, food stamps, and who knows what else without contribution.

Of course, much of what is proposed may never be enacted but it does give concern when among the first things mentioned when the hatchet men start to work is that which concerns an element of the population less able to help themselves and those who have worked their entire lives for the little bit of return they are receiving during these the sunset years of their lives.

**Post SASSY...

So today is Sunday as I try to pull myself together. When Ken passed away I learned how to compartmentalize my mind. I think I need to hark back to those practices for a little while as I deal with the raw hurt and missing Sassy. My doctor told me it is OK to compartmentalize so long as you, at some point, pull forth that hurt and deal with it.

Today I am grateful for two little schnauzers, Piper Kensleigh and Kamelot Kamryn. Kami is not quite six months and was acquired as I prepared for the loss of my beloved Sassy. Piper is six years and nine months. I acquired Piper when Sassy was six for a playmate or companion. Sassy had a very, very bad surgery with bladder stones and was quite sick. I felt she needed a daily canine companion and a companion while I was at work. So we got Miss hyper Piper. She has a much different schnauzer personality than sweet Sassy. When Kami gets through this wild puppy stage I suspect she will have a personality much like Sassy. She is a lover right now.

This is the season for giving thanks. Today I am grateful for friends who care. One who sent absolutely gorgeous flowers to me to make me feel better, warm my home atmosphere, know that she cared and to help me feel the love of my Heavenly Father. Another has been my visiting teacher who volunteered to go with me when she realized the time had come for me to send Sassy to Schnauzer Heaven. My family members who understand and offer kind thoughts and condolences. I have many blessings; I am grateful for every single one far too numerous to list.

**It has been several hours since I wrote this post. I have reconsidered the title. It is all wrong.

IT WILL NEVER BE POST SASSY. She will ALWAYS BE WITH ME JUST LIKE KEN,

my mistake.

The Day Following the Day After....

Today marks the second day since my beloved Sassy went to schnauzer heaven. Unfortunately the hurt is not better today. Tears are very close to the surface and the hurt is very raw. My chest / heart even hurt like I remember in the loss of family members. In fact, I have started that doubting process that I customarily do when I have had to make these "hard decisions." I doubt myself and why I let myself make the decision to let her go at the time I did. My mind says to me, "why didn't you wait a little longer for a miracle?" I make it so difficult for myself to cope. My doctor says it is a personality flaw.

I remember the little things she did over the last few days that showed she still had a desire to live as she did typical schnauzer things like bark when the other girls barked and try to smell everything along the ground when I carried her out to the yard.

My Sassy never got a body odor like some doggies do when they get too warm or have not been bathed for several days. She always smelled good when I buried my face in her fur.

I love my Piper schnauzer and my new puppy, Kami. I wonder if I can EVER love them like I loved my Sassy. Can I? Will I?

The Day After ......

Today begins the first day of my life in eleven years, eleven months and fourteen days without my precious Sassy schnauzer. When I think of her the tears roll. I am still in shock. She was laying on my lap yesterday as her vet administered the drug that stopped her magnanimous heart. I was hit with the thought, "whatever have I done?" I have allowed my best friend in the canine world to be put to sleep never to wake again in this life. I uttered these very words, "whatever have I done?" and started bawling. The doctor and my friend assured me that I had relieved her of her pain and set her spirit free of the cancer-riddled body. Why does it hurt so badly if I have done what was best for my beloved dog? And why do I keep having to make these painful decisions for those I love so dearly? The vet left the room and told me she would check back in a while and for me to hold her for as long as I wanted. And I did, I gave her up as her little body started to cool. She actually never moved when injected with the heart stopping drug. I could not help but wonder if she had gone before the drug was administered. By the time the vet could get the stethoscope to her heart it had stopped.

I have tried to prepare myself for this day. On Labor Day weekend I traveled to Lebanon, Tennessee, and got another schnauzer puppy as a companion for my Piper schnauzer. I have felt for some time that doggies need a companion friend especially when I was working and not home during a lot of the day. A puppy can be extremely distracting and I hoped this would help as I faced the inevitable. At the moment my puppy, Kami, has been sitting next to me and kissing my face as I cry. This is tough, folks, really tough.

When I look at her pictures I think that I can't believe that she is really gone. It is like she should be here somewhere with me. Oh, precious Sassy, I miss you so.

Rest in Peace, My Precious Girl

Today ranks up there with the saddest days of my life. I have written about and dreaded this day for about seven months. That was when I was told that my older schnauzer girl had a brachial plexus tumor under her right foreleg and further that it had invaded the nervous system. Any treatment done would not cure the cancer so I chose not to treat it but rather to treat my precious Sassy with the best of care and love for her remaining days, keeping her pain-free until her suffering was such that she should go to Schnauzer Heaven. Today was that day.

Since the death of my husband twelve years ago I have not cried. Since learning of the impending loss of this doggie girl I have cried a few buckets full. I have felt so extremely helpless. It was another of those times when I couldn't fix it. When Ken was sick I tried my best to find what was wrong with him. Neither I nor the doctors could fix it. By the time the doctors figured out the cause they realized what he had could not be cured. Such was the case again.
When Sassy was sick she always looked to me for comfort and help. This time I could comfort but was not very good at helping. She remained totally devoted and attached to me until the end and that is one of the reasons my heart is broken as I type these words. She was so very stoic through the very end.
Rest in Peace my wonderful, wonderful girl. I will always love you more than I can say or measure. You were like the daughter I never had. You made my life worth living after the loss of Ken. Each and every morning I had a reason to get up --- you needed me. And I needed you so.

Deception.... as I see it...

I reflect on happenings in the world of politics. But first let me set the record straight about where I stand on politics. I do not believe that I could categorize myself into a political party as they exist today. I voted this week and split my ticket the whole way voting for those who I felt were best qualified out of the choices given.
There have been several issues in the world of politics that have made my type A negative blood boil recently. The first has been the treatment of a certain chemistry specialist, with the SBI who has been doing their specialty work in blood spatter and pathology, I think for lack of a better official title.
The other issue has been the deceptive practices of right-wing groups in hiring college students to prowl the streets outside of Congress during an election year to goad, mock, and tempt legislators in such a manner continuously until they get negative reactions from the congressmen, film those interactions, and use them in a derogatory and deceptive manner to trick the public into believing the congressmen are BAD! Then using those clips on public media to make it seem that they(the students) were attacked on the street by our representatives out of the clear blue while they ( the college students) were totally innocent. The entire incident in one case was framed. For a moment it was difficult to find who knew these student(s) and had sponsored their activities. ($, I mean.) Obviously, they knew it was a set-up but only after it was presented to the public for the gullible to buy right in to the intent of the perpetrators. To me, that is true deception, a concept I taught to my fifth graders for years about advertising techniques.

Then we have the "crucifixion" of Chemist B by the local rag sheet. I keep waiting for some soul to defend this man. Looks like I may keep waiting a while. As I understand this issue, in his defense, he was doing what he had been given instructions to do from his superiors. Whatever the issue with the released convicted prisoner, B did as instructed. His training in blood chemistry came from those same FBI trainers who were offering criticism. No one has his back in this issue. His fearless leader tried to defend him and she was promptly moved by the governor to another department of government and he was left to take "the medicine." I do not know about his so-called "conflicting testimony" to which reference has been made ( in the press) but I suspect it all falls into the same category. B, as I know him, is an honest man as are his parents who trained and raised him. The deception in this issue does not lie with B.

When the press decides to train-wreck a career they assume they know all of the facts and have all of the figures. This time I do not buy in.

Doggie Tails er Tales.....

Why do I write this blog....I dunno...perhaps it is for documentation. At least that was my training for all of a professional career.
For some weeks now a portion of my time has been consumed with caring for a houseful of canines --well, maybe not a houseful, but three. One is very sick preparing to cross over, one is a six year old sweetie who seems to understand something isn't right, and one is a five month old puppy who just thinks everything is such fun. I spend a lot of time coaxing my sick one that she really does want to eat stuff that is good for her and to take her meds. For my six year old, I spend time getting her meds for Fall allergies in her, keeping her fed and feeling wanted and not left out. For my five month old puppy I spend lots of time "trying" to potty train (she wears diapers inside), playing with her and trying my best not to step on her as she follows me around. All three want to be with me every where I go but my precious Sassy just stays in the place I put her for comfort with her eyes following me.
Now why would an old woman like me enjoy this kind of life. Wish I knew the answer but I am not sure I do. They are all three precious to me. They keep me from being lonely. They make life interesting and I just love observing their behaviors. Is that reason enough??
I worry about doing the right thing for my Sassy who has fallen victim to the big C. A cancerous tumor in the brachial plexus for which there is no cure and has spread to the nervous system. Will I know when is the right time to end her suffering and let her go? Will I know when it is best for her and she is ready? I worry about this. Not an easy choice.